Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
