you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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