Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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