I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize