How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
