well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
