Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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