By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
