I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
