I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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