I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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