I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
