Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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