I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
