i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
