CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
