he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
