But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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