i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
