i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
