Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
