I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
