Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
