so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
