there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
