I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
