you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
