remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Randomize
