How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
