I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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