I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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