her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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