I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
