i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
