Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
