I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
