I'm so fucking centered right now
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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