Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
