Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
