I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
