The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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