I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
