it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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