physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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