we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I look better un-naked...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
