I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
