And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
