He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
