I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just had sex on a roof
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
