I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
