drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
