How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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