My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
