I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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